Tuesday, April 14, 2009

"Ooh La La: How to be Infuriatingly French"

Current Location: Slouched on the couch
Currently Listening: Asher Roth - I Love College
Weather: Sunnny sun sun sunnny

For my birthday, YES I'm FINALLY TWENTY ONE!!!!!!!, Kristina got me a box of de-lish Leonidas chocolates and a funny book called "Ooh La La: How to be Infuriatingly French." After reading it I decided to come up with my own such how-to-guide.

Step 1: Always keep the mood lighting on...you know just in case.
Step 2: It's customary to observe "les neighbors" through their windows and pretty much any person walking down the street.
Step 3: Shop at Picard: the frozen only grocery store and pick up things like puree peas, escalopes de fois gras, and quartered figs.
Step 4: Eat hazelnuts in everything, and consume exorbitant amounts of nutella
Step 5: Put every cheese but mozzarella on your pizza.
Step 6: Store sugar in milk cartons.
Step 7: Have tiny ass kitchens so that when you open the fridge your butt touches the back wall. Oh and eat lots of confiture!
Step 8: Always buy belgian chocolate.
Step 9: Showcase all eccentricities especially in the window displays of your family shop
Step 10: Don't shower often.
Step 11: Learn traditional dance moves in your weekly African dance class.
Step 12: Never buy books in English or speak English for that matter unless a French-speaking American tries to speak to you in French.
Step 13: Alway order cidre with your meal and drink it from a bowl...like a cat. Michael Rosenthal would approve.
Step 14: Drink on the hour every hour!
Step 15: Revere French culture and lovingly tease Sarkozy
Step 16: Plaster your apartment with old, dark paintings that have been passed down in the family
Step 17: Bump the cars behind you in attempting to parallel park.
Step 18: Ladies always cover their shoulders and never wear silly American things like flip flops.
Step 19: Never go to church
Step 20: Spend summer holidays at the family chateau
Step 21: Since the French rarely leave France the only way to show kids some wildlife is at the city zoo.
Step 22: Lure your gay jewish boyfriend to Bois de Vincennes for a romantic boat ride.
Step 23: Flambee everything with Grand Marnier
Step 24: Eat crepes and gaufres daily without gaining a single pound.
Step 25: Shake that laffy taffy (because you secretly listen to American rap, but are behind about 2 years)
Step 6: Pucker up for PDA. French kissing in public is mandatory!
Step 27: Own a menswear shop in the Marais if you want to profit off all the bar mitzvahs
Step 28: Let old things fall apart. And rename streets every block.
Step 29: Never drink water in public. Wine or espresso only.
Step 30: Be a cute gay couple.
Step 31: Never get worked up about shops closing at 6pm.
Step 32: Take romantic strolls through the Marais with your same sex significant other.
Step 33: Buy over priced clothes from small boutiques that carry only 6 articles of clothing
Step 34: Always sport a one piece pant suit
Step 35: Be excessively green in terms of recycling but leave cigarette butts everywhere.
Step 36: Eat strange things like goose liver.
Step 37: Have a nice ass from walking up all those stairs since elevator technology never made it to France

For the complete picture by picture guide, check out the Facebook album I made.


<3sam<3 said...

youve been listening to a lot of good music lately.

traveler's pen said...

lately/always :)

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